Ugh! Doormat For Hire

While my parents always instilled in me to be the bigger person, while I know it’s a good trait, it can also be my own worst enemy.

So my ex husband planned another vacation with his new family that my son loathes to have one last hurrah before going back to school, I was initially scheduled for a week with our son Sunday-Sunday.

Since there is definitely bad blood on my side, I wanted him to be inconvenienced in having our typical Sunday night drop off which was the original plan before he got another vacation up his sleeve – which would force his hand in his departure time because of it.

Had he not have trampled all over me and just admitted the truth that I was merely a piece of ass the couple of nights this past January and the reconciliation he had tried for years with me was clearly down the toliet once I was ready to make my move, because I finally trusted him and the changes in his behavior – like a moron I fell into the trap that I avoided for years after our divorce ironically,

I would have been very flexible and amicable and accommodating in his request for Saturday instead of Sunday so he could drive up with the new “family” but because he hurt me, and made me feel used when I was most vulnerable I told him because I’m still hurt and I’m still very much angry some 8 months later that I would not make his life any easier.

I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to mail the girlfriend of almost 3 years with proof about his indiscretions to give him a taste of his own medicine when i caught him having at least an emotional relationship with one of his girl “friend”. the day before we were to drive to Minnesota for the holidays.

Funny thing was that after that very suspicious discovery that I finally got a proposal. Considering we had already been together 7 years, lived together for most of that time and our son had just turned 3 but I only got the ring when our son started playing with his fathers unlocked phone and somehow hit the messages icon which took me directly to the lastest conversation – which I found a week before that woman was even in my house for our son’s 3rd birthday party, which I always had a red flag on from day 1, Needless to say she was specifically not invited to our wedding.

Even though I think she has a right to know what he had done, and I want to be that scorned woman who is just full of fury – while my son would love it because he really isn’t fond of the girlfriend of 3 years, and can not stand her daughter – I wasn’t raised to be that person.

Just like I swapped custody for Saturday so it would be easier on him – because that’s how I was raised. I guess the worst thing about love – is figuring how to recover from the carnage left behind. Even more so when your body is already broken that even doctors today can’t repair me.

The most cruel thing about any of this is that once you give your heart, there it will remain. Even if they don’t love you back.

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