The Darkness and The Light

Continued from Part 2.

Divorce brings out the worst in people. Ours took 4 months from start to finish. I wasn't looking for anything, I didn't want money or houses, what I wanted I couldn't have. My husband at times acted like someone I didn't even know – which terrified me. In hindsight, I get that behavior now. He mourned our marriage, he mourned our family, he mourned me. The sad thing is it took me 7 years to understand that, and all the chances I had to come back, but didn't, and it wasn't until I wanted to, that it became too late.

During the divorce I met up with old friends like most people do to help them cope with the stress of divorce. I did just that. It just happened that one of my friends happened to be in love with me for 8 years before my divorce – and I didn't see it. I think you don't see what you aren't looking for. I had my soulmate, the one I wanted to grow old with who I'm left knowing it was the way that maybe some positive would come from it. I wanted my husband to realize the true impact of some of his criticism had on my every day life day after day, and I had hope that he would change, even if it wasn't for me, then maybe for someone else. Either way I needed something positive to come out of the tragedy of breaking up my family when I didn't want to, but I needed a partner not a critic.

Like all relationships, we had our issues and at the time right before I became pregnant with our son, I briefly moved back home with my parents, it was a break – not a breakup. So naturally I didn't see my friends desire for me – he respected I was in a serious relationship – although he didn't like it.

So there I was having a coffee with my old coffee buddy, whom I hadn't seen since before I got pregnant with my son – not even looking for a relationship or a good time. I had just left my husband whom I spent 10
years with – 1/3 of my entire life only 2 months prior. And then something changed – but even today I'm not entirely sure how it happened.

Quite honestly I was interested in rekindling an old romance from my teenage years but he struck too late in the end but I know that I can count on
him for the rest of our lives, we've always been uniquely bounded on a spiritual level.

But I had fun with Mr Coffee, for the first time in a while I didn't have anyone fighting with me. It was peaceful. If my husband, the father of my child was earth, then Mr. Coffee was the sky. They were complete opposites in every single way.

Mr. Coffee was a blue collar stout man covered in tattoos who would tell anyone
to get bent, that combined with my tiny, classy librarian facade made us look like the odd couple. It was a breath of fresh air. No one giving me a stink eye for letting a choice word fly out of my mouth. He was fun, and I had fun with him. My family who is filled with loud obnoxious people he fit right in with.

In hindsight I would've told myself don't date anyone just stick to friends to allow myself the grieving my marriage deserved. But as my husband continued to fly off the handle, it made my new relationship with my old friend Mr. Coffee even stronger. Our divorce was finalized 2 months after I started dating Mr. Coffee in 2010 and my husband and I agreed to keep significant others away from parenting events and pick ups/drop offs out of mutual respect for each other since the one thing we've always agreed on was we couldn't see each other with another person – that even the mere thought of it was torture. If you can believe it 7 years later neither one has had to run into the others new significant other.

9 months into the relationship with Mr. Coffee he proposed and I accepted. Although I didn't even think about wedding planning. Part of me thought I would still go back with my husband. My husband and I even went to counseling which I was not about to tell my hot tempered fiancé while I was engaged as my husband was desperate for reconciliation but something in me didn't trust a change that took less than a year.

Then the unthinkable happened. I lost my job in the middle of the latest recession that November. By February my mother stirred the pot enough and my 1st grade son who has ADHD couldn't cope with all the changes in his life and I worried that all this change was making him much worse as I was getting phone calls from the school on a weekly basis. So I changed custody with my husband and moved out of my parents house and into my fiancée's.

I paid crazy amounts of money to keep my insurance coverage but after 6 months I could no longer pay for it. So it then became the logical idea to get married to get covered through Mr Coffees union which had excellent coverage. So we did just that… we eloped in Vegas. Looking back I should've listened to my inner self that refused to plan a wedding or elope for insurance benefits. Not that I didn't love Mr. Coffee, I just wasn't sure I wanted to remarry, let alone for insurance benefits. But overall things were good as long as we continued to have fun. Which wouldn't last long.

The neck pain I had been experiencing for 3 years was now able to be treated for the time being. Initial diagnosis was fibromyalgia since X-rays shows arthritis and bone spurs, blood work came back fine and MRI of my brain came back normal. It was about during this time in 2015, 3 years since I married Mr Coffee, that my physical therapist suggested I press my doctor for a neck MRI. The results of that MRI would change my life forever as I know it…..

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